Generated Title: Blue Origin's New Glenn: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back?
Okay, so Bezos' vanity project, Blue Origin, is sending its New Glenn rocket up again. This time, supposedly to fling NASA's ESCAPADE mission towards Mars. ESCAPADE, for those who don't speak NASA-ese, is two spacecraft that are going to orbit Mars and study solar winds. Fine. Whatever.
The "New" Glenn: Still New?
But let's be real. This is only New Glenn's second launch. The first one, back in January, didn't exactly stick the landing, did it? The upper stage made it to orbit, sure, but the booster went splat in the Atlantic. They're trying the drone ship landing again, apparently it's called Jacklyn. Seriously? Jacklyn? Sounds like my grandma's name. Is this supposed to inspire confidence?
Blue Origin's website will have a livestream, naturally. And they'll probably be spamming X with updates. I can already picture the carefully curated, PR-approved tweets. "Another giant leap for mankind!" Give me a break. It's a rocket launch, not the second coming.
The FAA is giving them a launch window of 2:45 to 5:11 p.m. ET on Sunday. Plenty of time for things to go wrong. And it's all happening at Launch Complex 36 at the Cape Canaveral Space Force Base. A site Bezos dropped a cool billion to rebuild. A billion dollars. And for what? So he can play space cowboy? I mean, come on.
Mars or Bust... Or Just Bust?
They're selling this as a win-win. NASA gets a ride to Mars, and Blue Origin gets some much-needed credibility. Plus, Viasat is tagging along with some tech for low-Earth orbit stuff. Because why not cram even more into this potential disaster?
"New Glenn will additionally carry technology from telecommunications company Viasat that could be used for NASA missions in low-Earth orbit."
Translation: "We're trying to justify the cost of this thing by throwing everything and the kitchen sink at it. Hope something sticks!"
I mean, good for ESCAPADE, I guess. But let's not pretend this launch is about scientific discovery. It's about Bezos' ego. It's about Blue Origin trying to prove it's not just a giant waste of money. It's about competing with SpaceX, even though they're, like, a decade behind.
And the name? New Glenn, in honor of John Glenn. How original. It's a two-stage heavy-lift launch vehicle that's supposed to be able to haul Amazon's Project Kuiper satellites into orbit. You know, the ones that are going to clutter up the night sky and ruin astronomy for everyone. Thanks, Jeff.
Offcourse, if this launch is another spectacular failure... well, at least it'll be entertaining.
The Billion-Dollar Question
But here's what really gets me. A billion dollars to rebuild a launch complex. A booster that can't land properly. A second launch that's being treated like a make-or-break moment. What if it fails? What if the booster goes boom again? What if ESCAPADE ends up as space junk? What then? Does Bezos just shrug and write it off as a tax write-off? Does he build an even bigger, more expensive rocket? I don't know, maybe I'm just being cynical. But something about this whole thing stinks.
Another Day, Another Billionaire's Toy
Honestly, who cares? It's just another rich guy playing with rockets while the world burns.